family · life

“That phone call”

I’m so glad that today is finally Friday. This week has felt like a week and a half at least. I know we had a busy weekend, and then Monday was very busy too. With me not feeling well at the beginning of the week that played a big roll in the week feeling long.

Yesterday, … ugh yesterday was one of those days you just want to forget. The ugh feeling of the day started with getting a phone call from the school. Yes, you know that dreaded moment when you look at the phone and see it is your child’s school calling. You go through the gamete of what could it be. Did someone get sick? Did someone get hurt? Please don’t let it be that someone got in trouble.  But, that is what the call was! And, it was a call from the assistant principal. Yep that makes it worse, but hey lets see what they have to say.

So after getting the story from the assistant principal as to why my son was in trouble, now my day is filled with… time to let Richard know, formulate in my head what I’m going to say when he gets home from school, what will my reaction be?, what is the proper punishment? do I deal with it as soon as he gets home or wait and deal with it when Richard and I are together? So many whats and hows going in my brain.

I did decide to go downstairs and work on the puzzle we have going in the basement in hopes of shutting down for a bit.

I will say that I do know that the school is good with dealing with tween kids. The school only has 4th-6th grade students. They know that this age student is a testing age. They aren’t little kids anymore, but they aren’t teens either. They are trying to figure out how they fit in the world. They are testing all the adults around them. They are testing their peers. They are testing themselves. But, at the same time they still want the approval of the adults around them. They still want the approval of ALL their peers. They want to figure themselves out… and testing is how they do it.

The challenge for me, as for so many parents, is to not look at this time and start questioning my choices. Richard and I talk about this all the time. We are not our sons friends. We are not raising boys. We are not here to make their lives simple. We are here to guide, listen, suggest. We will praise and/or punish as needed. We do a lot of talking about choices and consequences because that is what life is about.

 

We decided on the course of action and went forward. We sat down and talked. We talk to our sons the same way we would talk to an adult. This is what you did, this is why it’s wrong, this is what you need to do next time and this is the consequence to your choice.

We talk about trust, respect, honesty and choices. We give examples from our own lives. We talk, we listen, and we move on.

As a parent we can only hope that we are doing what is necessary to help our children grow into honest, respectful, caring, truthful and hardworking adults. We hope that they grow up to see that their choices have consequences be it good or bad. We hope that they see that they are no better than any other person walking down the street. That they need to learn to listen more than talk, give more than receive and that respect and trust is earned.

So today I take the time to relax and know that I’m doing the best I can to be the best mother I can. To step back and remember that I lead by example. I have the same choices that my sons do in life. And I choose to move forward.

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6 thoughts on ““That phone call”

  1. I really appreciate this post. Today in my classroom, I felt like throwing my 5th graders out. I had trouble with just about 50% of the classroom in one way or another. I totally threw out my lesson plan and opted for something different just to keep them under control.
    They do have a choice. They need to talked to about their actions. And I feel it’s my job to let them know that I won’t give up on them. Each time they come in is a new day, it’s a new chance to make good decisions and do the right thing. I’m not going to be any softer on them than I am on my other 5th graders. I think they are testing me as well, and I think I have to become more consistent in how I respond. Thank you for the wake up call.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks, it was actually hard to post this because in some ways I had to admit that life isn’t perfect. I had to know that people will judge. But, it also shows that life isn’t perfect and we shouldn’t judge. Hope your students have a busy weekend and come back ready to learn on Monday

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  2. As a parent myself to a grade 6 boy, I get it. I had a strong feeling of “yes” when I read your post. I too am raising my son with nurture, love, guidance and support. I am not here to be his friend, but someone who sets boundaries, expectations and security for his own self-care and personal growth. Defiant, testing boundaries and going through hurdles and challenges is par of the course. Still, in the moment it is never easy. Taking into account his perspectives, developmental stage and his own personal strengths and difficulties, it is a continuous journey that I am feeling either I am swimming one day and sinking the next.
    Thank you for your post

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    1. I think we as parents need to do a better job at stating the life isn’t perfect and that we are just doing our best. We need to realize that all kids struggle and that it’s ok to struggle along with them. Thanks for your thoughts!

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